He's made a lot of sacrifices to his own happiness to make sure that I'm okay. I think some of it is guilt because I never had a mother. Fucking intracranial aneurysm. She died on the table the day I was born. Daddy never remarried and claims he never will because the only woman he will ever want to be married to is my mother. Apparently, they had some epic love story. Too fucking bad she died and he had to raise me by himself. But he's done a great job and there's no one else that I love more. He certainly has never made me feel like he has any resentment toward me about her death. He does stare at me a lot when he thinks I don't know it. I've always assumed it's because I look just like her and he misses her a lot. He still has pictures up of them in the house and refuses to take them down. And well, I do look just like her except for my green eyes. Daddy gave me those and I think it's my best feature. Personality wise, from everything I can tell I'm more like my mother than. Because she wasn?t any of that. She was makeup and hard work andsomething more complicated. She was desperate for attention and willingto do anything to get it. She was shame and guilt and an ever-expandingweb of deceit to those who cared about her. She had to die, because shecouldn?t live any more."In your mercy turn the darkness of death into the dawn of new life,and the sorrow of parting into the joy of heaven; through our SaviourJesus Christ, who died, rose again, and lives for evermore." Amen," I say, standing with everyone else.---I?d drugged him. Every night of that holiday I slipped something intoour nightcap and let him fall gently to sleep. It knocked him out colduntil morning, giving me a good 8 hours to get out of my disguise,exfoliate like crazy, sleep with one eye open and put it all on againbefore he got up the next morning.After the third day of all day sightseeing and no sex, coupled with nosleep and me putting in all this work, I had a tantrum. I knew thatthis wasn?t.
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